NEW YORK—A college student flew home to New York to impersonate high schoolers who paid him to take the SAT on their behalf, and even took the exam twice in one weekend under different identities, prosecutors said Tuesday.

The college student, no better prepared to take a meaningless and regionally biased test than the high schooler’s paying him, expressed little remorse in a statement to reporters, “Look, the economy is, like, really messed up, and I was just looking to make some cash.” 

The irony was not lost on local journalists who finally decided to band-together and properly report about the connection between poverty and educational rankings. 

Jokes about ‘boot-straps’ and transferring to multiple bus lines in contested gang-territories filled the air. 

“I’m really happy right now,” one reporter told another, “I feel like I’m not an asshole for the first time in my entire life.”