EARTH—A huge, dead satellite tumbling to Earth is falling slower than expected. Fatalists upset by the non-apocalyptic consequences of the satellite’s re-entry are protesting the delayed annihilation of mankind. 

“It’s not fair—it’s that simple,” a man dressed in nondescript earth-tones calmly told reporters. 

He looked up to overcast sky and frowned a little. Hours from now he would be wiped clean from the surface of existence in a freak accident involving a girl picking tulips, a rental car, and a pre-packaged convenience-store sandwich. 

A local vagrant, tortured by his ability to see the future demise of mankind, chuckled then hacked between spoonfuls of cold, black beans.